The moment the razor hit my skin, I saw a grave error had occurred. My skin showed what had been hidden for a couple of years: my bare face. The last time this happened was during a holiday in Tenerife. I remember feeling ashamed. How would I be able to take pictures, whilst looking this hideous? I felt cursed by this constant, nagging narrative voice telling me I was ugly. Was this the voice of a narcissist in the most classical sense? The voice of a man measuring his worth by his beauty? Narcissus?
Going back in time:
I am a kid: sitting at the dining table, sitting in a car, buying groceries, hiding in my room.
I leave my bedroom. I go down the stairs and look at my stepmother doing her makeup. It’s only 5:30, and a freshly opened can of Pepsi is accompanying her daily routine. A packed lunch, wrapped in tin foil, is at the edge of the table. I try to say good morning, but swallow the words.
Somehow she feels the need to pinpoint my appearance, daily. I am but an ugly child, with ugly hair, borderline anorexic. How dare I take up space, how dare I exist?
So the moment the razor hit my skin, bare skin showing, I knew I had made an error, but I was prepared. I had looked up different beard styles that would hide this mistake. I sculpted my beard into something that would look presentable – hell, it even made me look… good?
I knew I shouldn’t ask for opinions, but of course I did; I didn’t want to look a fool in public. “You looked hotter with your other beard. It’s still fine though.”
Panic.
The following days I check myself endlessly: whilst walking I look in every window, every now and then I turn on my selfie camera, I run to the bathroom. I like what I see, but somehow it doesn’t translate to my friends? I stalk my AI beauty stylist. I ask him how I look. I ask him if the colour of my backpack matches my skin tone. I ask him if I look okay with my new beard. He confirms. I ask him again and again till my data runs out.
I’m not Narcissus, I tell myself. I look in the water of the pond. A troubled reflection stares back
Flynn vs. the world 
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